Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
