Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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