whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
