ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
