and she was petting her beer can
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
