Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"it" just moved
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
