I think my vagina is haunted
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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