It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
