Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You did what with his pubic hair?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
