Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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