We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
