hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
