what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
