***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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