And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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