From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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