the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
