I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
