Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The uberlube is also flammable
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
