I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
