sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
