I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
