If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
