my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
