Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
