I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
