Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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