I'm gonna have a badass scar
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
