420 ftw
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
