I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
