I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
