what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
sex in a hospital.. check
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
