There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
