We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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