my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
