What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
