I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
