apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
