I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
