If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
