i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
