I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
