I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
