4 words: hood of his car
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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