i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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