What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
are you so shy because you have an std?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
