I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
