im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
