When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
