I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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